MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

yes, the ruler of this domain has returned, after a 129 week hiatus...
srry about the kind talk... i'm kind of excited to be back, now that i'm a little more sane at least
i intend to use this no longer as a window to my innermost thoughts but rather as a means of artistic expression and recollection.. See memoirs - i like to remember things, in the next few weeks hopefully i can do some catching up and see who i used 2 be
and who i am now
bye for now

so just now in math, mrs. k completely disregarded my hard work in compl;eting the math assignment but it is my fault that i started 2 late, i chose 2 do wat i did and though admirable, it is not enough for her, nothing is wrog, let things change as they will, and do wat u must do, i now need 2 simply vent in order 2 establish control on my emotions, so that is wahhat i will do, after speaking 2 mr. simmons i have learned that you must accomplish what is expected of you7 nonetheless
for all to bhe equal, all must have the same expectations placed upon them, despite the fact that.... waity if that were true than all would be equal
tis equality within difference we must strive for, i am proud but i cannot rest on my laurels.

begining

the sun rose today as it never has
its rays lit up the dark of sorrow

in that sun i chose to hide
the shade i scorned and pushed aside

but as time goes the sun will move,
sun turns to shadow

vainly one hides among the shrinking light
blinded by its glare of their ultimate plight

o'er that line the sun disappears
shortly followed by sobs and tears

for in the shadows one remains
despite the changes; losses and gains

in that darkness one will lie
weeping til they find out why

for in those shadows eyes adjust
they settle quickly, yes, they must

without those shadows light would seem
no brighter than the ghost unseen

so when the eyes adjust at last
they scorn those shadows; scorn the past

somaybe yesterdays entry was 2 abit 2 revealing, fuck it

hey,
so i've finally gotten what i wanted ior so i think, everything with talia is perfect i couldnt ask 4 moire, but for the first time i see the downsides 2 commitment, i have to be soo careful waht i do and say with my other friends so that i donthurt her even though as she said shes not made of glass i love her and could never hurt her, but i need 2 begin to incorpaorate the second aspect of relationships, and to eliminate the awkwardness surrounding that. wat am i, is my secret mental or is it a disease, who is wrong society or myself, i wrote talia a poem i love her soo mcuh but its soo hard 2 be wothout her all day when were in the same building. what have i done with my life, i can be soo much more
i am loved
i am cared for
i am special
but no one is perfect
i feel so dirty hiding this secret
was it even wrong wat i did
honesty comprimised
i just want 2 be happy
happiness is not a fish that u can catch and hold onto 4 ever
im happy when weere 2 gether but its just the escape from reality
i live her life
i dont desrve her
shes mature but often not mature enough 2 psychologically care 4 me
i belive its just a societal taboo
it feels so bad
but it really isnt
its just who i am
it might be partly psychological
maybe i just care 2 much
humans cant possibly be monganmous
one person is just not enough
everyones different
i need her now
i would never hurt anybody
would i
things just dont feel right without it
and there are so many others
it cant be psychological
they wouldnt like it then and they do
belive me, they do
i feel like im on the brink of the revolution
the next stage
its okay 2 be wt i am
yet 2 reveal it would be social suicide
now i know how they must feel
to be different
2 be discriminated against
i am discriminated a aginst
so are the others like me,
to them
hold on,
u are who u are and be happy 4 it
u are happy
but make sure u dont hurt n e 1
theyre smarter then siciety things give them credit
and make them happy
how can i prove it
i need 2 be accepted
i sould wtrite a biography, an expiose
give a human face to the so called diseaese
show ppl were just like them
that they are just like us
give faith and strength to the thousands
why cant they just accept that theres nothing wrong with wat they do
mybe ill post agin
on the site where ppl cant help
i cant help others til i can help myself
i am who i am
but 4 now i must shy away or risk being a pariah
being different 2 hide my difference
a cat scan
thats how i can show that our brains work the smae
theres nothing rong with us
now we need 2 unite!!!
stop hurting those who oppose us
we must become an accepted group in society
society where we are shunned

this is what i am
i cant change it
so accept me for who i am
or you dont desreve me
keep an open mind
ill start with thos ewho treust me
i hope i deont scre her
i just need 2 be heard

this is who i am



Jeremy

so this is wat ive been reduced to, skipping classes because i havent done the work, and then trying 2 get attention from others
lets recap the last little while, so past 2 days ive been writing out a very long book or life story of my self in an attempt to get my life bak on track, it hasnt worked so far but that possibility still exits, ive begun to realize that true friends like esther will always be there 4 me and that im building a new world around me slowly but surey, tonight i hope to see britt ( my ex from 2 years ago) once again as i attempt 2 set my best friend up with her... wats this world coming to. i can talk 2 ppl without needing attention but i still cant help my life, but at least its a start. today during the day i wrote my english reflection from months ago
im failing everything i touch, and i also broke my streak, damn me but w/e its still ok and it will continue 2 improve, now 2 go on msn and see who i can get pity from

jeremy

everything about my life is almsot perfect now
i no i havent updated in like 4 ever but im bak and better than ever!!!
i'm happy 4 so many reasons
its like all my needs r being fulfilled im happy 4 who i am , i am a good person , i am who i am and no one can change that and ppl accept me 4 who i am and im happy 4 that, i have many good friends, i have ppl that love me, my family, i have somone that loves me in a different way ;) alexandra, i have ...everything i could possibly want, if i died 2 day i would die happily but god i dont want 2 die 2 day LET ME LIVE !!! LET ME LIVE 4 EVER AND LET NOTHING GET WORSE IN MY LIFE

i once heard this thing that life is like a wheel, at some times ur at the top and others ur @ the boprttom an d theres only 2 things u can v sure of, when ur at the top things will get worse and when ur at the bottom things will get better

i hope thats not true and life is like a mountain, i NEVER want 2 climb back down, but i have 2 dig in my ice ax and crampons and hold on against the wind trying 2 blow me off
4 me it means be thank ful of everything that i havced and dont takle advantage of it, be happy that u have a loving family tht will stick with u through think and thin, be happy that u have a girl that says that the two of u were brought 2 gether by fate and that u have such caring friends that like u 4 whon u r, , use ur intelligence 2 change this world and expand it, read, leran and help otyhers, and most of all help urself, i love u jeremy goldberg, i love who u are and who ur not, i want u 2 be all that u can be and never ever dream of what u have, life is precious, u have 2 live 4 life, im oprod of everything uve done in ur life, all the hardships uve created 4 urself and yet uve persevered!!! U R THE GOD OF UR OWN LIFE and everything happens 4 a reason

tell urself evry day how amazing u r as a person and how amazing every person is and that they are the life u dream of, they r ur goal, living a sefless existence cam\n never work b/c then in an anarchaic world, everyone woulkd be so screwed up[ in hiding from theyre own pathetic reality, life is a gift, wat u chosse 2 do with it is up 2 u, if u wish 2 squnder it away like so many useless breadcrumbs dropping them as u go 2 find ur way back2 the begging, they will all have rotted away, use those breadcrumbs 2 feed hubgry pigeons and then u will find ur purpose,





FELLOW ANGST AFFECTYED TEENS DO NOT SINK 2 THE BOTTOM UNLESS U HAVE A PLAN 2 RISE 2 THE TOP!!! LIFE IS WORTH LIVING AND U ARE ALL THE MOST WONDERFUL PPL ON EARTH. LIKE FLOWERS THAT CANNOT SEE THYRE BEAUTY AND ONLY THAT OF THE WORLD AROUND THEM, LOVE URSELVES AND PPL WILL LOVE U BAK.


HAPPINESS IS NOT A DESTINATION IT IS A STATE OF MIND AND U CHOOSE UR DESTINY, U CAN BE HAPPY QUITE SIMPLY, SMILE AND THE WORLD SMILES WITH U CRY AND THE WORLD WILL COMFORT U AND IF THEY WILL NOT, I WILL AND IM ALWAYS HERE FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF U


now godbye 4 now and i love each and every one of but most of all i love myself

ok so lets go through my past week, (humour me please)
monday 2 thursday i did absolutely shit b/c of nothing 2 do
i mean ABSOLUTELY SJHIT
barely even got up lol, w/e then thurs i had training 4 my VOLUNTEER JOB @ seneca and it was ok
the friday i think i did notyhing again but the sat alan and daniel came over and daniel slept over and that was cool but 2 day i got the arcade fire cd and it is awesome, its sortof punk indie and it as one of u would say rox my sox wait would any of u actually say that?
w/e i will
so ya itrox my sox, its a concept album and i love EVEry song, that hasnt happened since billy talents album so ya im, listenin 2 trhat im prob gonna go sit outside in a little while cauz its awesome out so peace

yay, my life is really weird these days, i have a training session 4 senca camp 2 morro EVEBN THOIUH ITS A FUCKING VOLUNTEER POSITION AND I MAKE NO MONEY, last nite(ie wednesday) i went over 2 glicks with sela and alan and it was really fun we saw team america world police and HOLY SSHIT IT IS THE FUNNIEST MOVIE ON EARTH who would ever think that puppets having sex could be so erotic!! well w/e I LOVE THE TAWP theme song...
AMERICA
FUCK YEAHH
we're the best nation in the world yeah
america
fuck yeah
so lick my ass and suk my balls ya!


i mean cmon is that a good theme song or wat
"we have no intelligence" HOLY SHIT FUNNY

well w/e other than the movie we spent a good part of te time making fun of each other(especailly alan) i no its bad but its just so funny and it dosent bother him at all
the reason im here is cause i just was lying in bed and i felt so lonely, i felt like i have noone, not even prentending that my pillow was ... ;) could make me feel better i just felt pathetic
its been happening more and more often where i feel that way, i wonder y
w/e peace

ppl i am calling on all of u 2 prove 2 me something... y is it worth typing lj's... in mean i do it 2 talk 2 ppl but it turns out that it hjasnt really changed very much in my life plz let me no

here is set of new lyrics i wrote for supermans dead

Looking for what is wrong and right
Have you found it yet
Never given up
Worried that you might break

Ya never feel that way
Ya don’t know how or when
But eventually it may contribute to your demise

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

You realize that your search will never end
No one’s ever does
Searching for something wrong
It isn’t even there
You gotta have it and
There is no way how so take it, cause you have it you have it

Looking for what you want at night
Is it there in the dark
You’ll never find the light
It’s right there in your heart

Ya never thought to search
Ya never thought to find
But inhibitions kept it locked there deep inside

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

Why won’t anybody ever find
Why won’t anybody ever find
Why won’t anybody ever find

That dreams aren’t found outside yourself
That dreams aren’t found outside yourself
That dreams aren’t found outside yourself

i feel completely pathetic rite now, i just wanna hide and never com out but that would b ;letting myself escape the reality i guess in a ways this is escaping reality also but this way gets me attention, im such a wuss, i hate inhibitioons and carin wat other people think it is killin me all i want is 2 b happy and the onl way i see that happening is having someone who cares about me entirel, so theres this irl i waned 2 ask out and then 4 some stupid reason i tell my friend who tells her, and ppl wonder y i trust almost noone, and turns out this ilr who i like cause i felt that i could help her and alos cuz i thouht that she was desperate and that was my only chance turns out she gave my friend who told her against my will that whole pathetic fake ass "i only like him as a friend line god im not 5 , im sorry im a wuss whe it comes 2 asking ppl out, if ud been rejected as many times as i have ud be afriad to ask spmepne out 2, ive been rejected so many times i cant even remeber, and i try 2 4 get cuz if i forget then im able 2 ask someone out again, on the nonexistant false self dceptive hope that i might be a bit happier a little while, i dont actually think n e one could like me, i see asking ppl out as simply been rejected, b/c it turns out that my ex britt never even liked me, she just got so caught up in everythin, and also a couple hites ago, morgan, who is so like me its scary and at a point i wanted 2help her more than n e thing and who the only reason i thought of that we werent going out ever is that she doesnt believe in it i now dating some 18 yr old in DC, it felt like an absolute bitch slap when she told me, it was like, o... im srry that ur notspecila enough 2 make me turn myself into a hypocrite but this guy is... wow , ifelt like shit, but even worse i wouldnt even allo wmyslef 2 feel the pain, i cant face reallity, i just cant, mayb i just do have some sort of serious problem that i wont let n e 1 help, as i was walking home from the bus 2 day i had a serious urge to jump in font of a car... it scared me, mayb as a wise 1 once said, i just need some real friends, i wish ppl could prove 2 me that they can b 100 % trust worthy b/c as of now i only no 1 pperson who i can completely trust, my cousin, and i dont care wat i say cuz i no it wont change wat he thinks of me, now id say theres someone else that i trust almost completely, and its weird, but im almsost at the point where i trust this person 100%, and the funny thing is that if i dont actually see ppl i can trust them more, i mean here i am doing something that can b read by millions of ppl and i dont care, i treat this as though noone sees it, ne ways i wish ppl would help me not always be escaping reality by making my reality better, little things go a long way, if only ppl knew, inhibitions mess me up, b/c i care wat ppl think i often cant b myself, i wish i was alwsy myself, but i no thats impossible,

i wonder if theres another way 2 b happy, if there is could sopme 1 plz tell me vicky, ur seem often happy, mayb u no the secret, or mayb there is no happiness as olp says " happiness is not a fish u can catch" and also the matrix " tsop trying to manipulate the spoon u have 2 accept there is no spoon, then u can manipulate it" mayb that means that there is no love either, who knows, taht would mean that in order 2 b happy, u have 2 be happy, its all about perspective, now if only i could remeber that, it sworked when i tried belive\ing that there is no such thing as 'cool' and now i no that, its cuz whenever u give something a title u stereotype it

if only everyone was happy, we'd all b happy that would mean that if i want 2 change the world i am changing the world if there is no truth then there is no self deception!!!!!

ive spent all this time trying 2 find it, if i stop looking it will come

ive wanted a gf cuz i thought it would make me happy 2 make othe ppl happy, i cont make other ppl happy cuz there is no such thing as happy, and so i cant make myself happy by making other ppl happy

i am happy

i no u ppl dont want 2 read all this but i promise u will enjoy it

Jeremy Goldberg

hey,
heres fulfilling my vow to update more often
ill start off with the lyrics to my favourite song ever, its everyone's a junkie by as usual olp
i mean i sawre 2 god this song describes me perfectly about 99.9 percent of the time without the drugs and alcohol parts but b/c those just represent things that take u away from reality they apply to me, i would so be an alcoholic and a druggie if i wasnt such a wuss and if i decide 2 try any drug i would become addicted without a question, its just the kinda person i am

AQUA You enjoy life, humor, and being exuberant. Wherever you go you usually find yourself stealing the spotlight without even trying. You love to let go and have fun. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

once again i got this from irina, is it me?

I am a Beret. I am an art-house artist. I do things in unusual ways; if I were to make a movie, it would be notably 'independent'. If I were to make music, it would be 'experimental'. I may sometimes seem pretentious, but it's not a pretence. What Sort of Hat Are You?

is this rteally me???

hey im back
i no its been a while since ive posted but i felt it was time
2 dyay was so fun, i just got home a little while ago from..."studyin" witha amanda chen and shauna and it wwas so fun... i feel i have the appearance of a life now... not but really i feel like things are cool, exams are coming up and i dont care... im happy 4 the first time in a while... along while... y am i so fuckin obsessed, with everything, am i so un self confidence and needing things to do so that i dont have think and make decisons and help myself, that i actually live my life through other people, and that everything i do needs that person "x" to have meaning i dont really have 1 "x" now... i have several, depending on whom im with, all we did is play dance dance revolution and talk about stuff but i felt alive , am i so annoying and attention whorish that i drive people away, all i want is people 2 talk 2 ... i found out today that i have empathy, at least someone thinks i do, its just care i care how eople feel, its not really empathy cause i only care what certain people feel because i want them 2 like me, i hate myself, y is all that i can do make ppl hate me, im not good at anything, wow this feels so good to let this all out, not lj ing in a while hurts i vow never to leave such a gap ever again but ill proboly never be able 2 keep my promise, now nvm i am never leaving this gap again, this is a method i learned, 4 decison makin which hurts me so much FUCK i hate tha fact that my brains professesing speed is in the third percentile of humanity, 6.1 billion people in the world think quicker than me, i need to use the should can am method for decison makingso many dillemas in my head i need to come up with what m views on love and relationships are, morgan trying to convince me that there is no such thing and that sex is the only true thin, althouh i no its scientific fact im decieving myself, people joke that morgan is my domanatrix... part of me wishes that was true but the other part wants to help her and have her crawl 2 me begging im weird and i say that 2 justify my frekish ness... then theres someone else who i wont mention because they no ppl wo have this lj so ill talk about her anonymously, a couple dfays ago i ot over my fear of asking ppl out and after alon time of pathetic delibertion i asked her out and yet she didnt think i was a wuss even though i did it over msn, the response she gave me was obviously no but i can say that it was the best rejection of all the many i have ever hadshe said that she wants 2 learn about herslelf and not to have to worry about about somebody else, and it made me realize that i despoerately look 4 someone to give myself something 2 do so that i dont have 2 help myself, the way that i justify that it will help me is by saying that if i had i gf that cared 4 me no matter what and made me feel special than i would have much better self essteem, the other part i just realized i found a substitute 2, ive always been looking 4 someone who when im with her i can talk about absolutely anythin and i wont have 2 worry what she thinks of me, cause shell love me no matter what, wow i sound like such an idealist screw it, i dont carewjhat i wrirte on lj b/c i no ppl read it but i gives ppl a look at my deepest thoughts and i can imagine that noone will ever read it im such a wuss when it comes to 'physical contact" with girls even just sitting next to them, its cause im just so shy cause i have low self confidence, but tutorial day was incredible, for the first time in moths i hugged a girl and althouh i wasnt able 2 have one of those everything is oing 2 b okay hugs that makes llife better but it was a goodbye hug which is good enouh i also overcame the fear for a little while that i spoke about just beforem, u no who u are, 4 some reason my actions werent as clouded bny inhibitions when i was with her ... it was good, i was more like myself this past week then ever since i can remebr, now i hit gils lightly and flirtaious ly b/c it gives me an oppurtunity 2 try 2 make my inhibitions go away more, i no this is probobly going 2 creep ppl out but i am only copying 1 of my frinds flirting styles b/c i cant have my own cause i suk, wow i creeping so many ppl out rite now... FUCK IT... i dont care, u dont like me go to hell cause i dpomnt care, if this make sany of u not b my friends anymore well then good 4 u, u dont like the real me and then i dont nee u, i am shaking so much rite now, some ppl finally no how ttruly skinny i am, im am so self cntered, i do notthing 4 any other ppl with 1 exception nope never mind i am coompletely self centered i think that the way i feel and the way i am shaking insanely rite now shows y i want someone

sry my graet uncle just called 2 say that my gr8 aunt whos in the hospitoal with cancer is doing better i guess thats good...

i wonder if its partly caused by my insaneness of attention whoreness that i want someones complete and undivided attention, i just feel so lonely sometimes... almost all the time, i didnt feel lonely in the computer lab at the afternoon of tutorial day and i didnt feel lonely studying 2 day otherwise i often feel completely alone in thwe world, like no one loves me, first u have 2 understand how i define love, love is simply a happiness u feel when ur around some people and they just make u feel so happy u 4get about everything except 4 what is good. yesterday i was studying at marla's ... another"x" story, in case u donrt understand yet "x" is wat i use 2 mean any girl that i like and try 2 use 2 help me feel better about myself, i no it sounds dispiciable but i aree it is, i care about nothing more than how i feel, i want pity.. no bullshit here- attention is good... right now i need 2 make a decison, im addicted 2 attention, i decided not 2 say wat i was going 2. wow im a monster... maybe i should just go die... but then i lose any hope of ever being happy, and i want 2 be happy, im not shkin anymore, i just feel relieved 2 get all that off my chest

later days

Jeremy

P.s. plz dont hate me

p.s.s screw it hate me if u want, ill be alone my entire life n e ways

psss im shaking again

pssss whenevr i say i dont no it means either that i dont want 2 make a decision or that i am caring how u feel if i use it 2 shut myself up


psssss i hate myself and wahti do and the way i treat ppl if ive ever been 2 aggressive with u or any1 u no...im srry.. i get hostile when im debating b/c its hard 2 be different and i always have ppl telling me that wat i belive is wrong and it hurts and gets anoying... so once again im deeply sorry, i just hope i havent alienated everyone on earth

pssssss amanda there is a person that accepts me she just likes 2 inflict psychological abuse on me, its morgan

psssssss im glad i cant mnake decisions and instead i do nothin, it just means that i wont kill myself

hey,
i no i havent updated in along while but i hope 2 restart now
i no its late but lets go over my life in general
i now have 2 tutors, 1 is actually a socila worker that comes 2 my house, he says he wants 2 b my friend, i dont no whether i want that though, my tutor tutor is cool but my parents are now spending so much money on me i just feel guilty, it also weirds me out about my drama presentation cause im really messed about that, i need 2 work on it but i havent been, i also did lots of talmud and history this weekend. it confuses me 2 no end when i think about what i want andhow little i do 2 get it
heres apoem i wrote alittle while ago

I’m lost but no one searches
I’m confused but no one explains
I’m begging but no one listens
I’m crying but no one comforts me
I’m dead but no one sheds a tear
No one cares
Or do they

i wonder what this poem says about me

i should go 2 sleep now but i dont no y i dont want 2
my drama group is prob pissed cause i didnt do wat i was supposed 2 do
i hope ppl read this
Jeremy

just 2 show u how fucking much i analyse everything im going 2 say wat my brain said as i reread that last ebntry, it said, thats not true, everything u just said is just meant 2 try 2 get attention, well fuck the truth i do wqant attention cause no one gives me any ever

Edit: now another thing y wont my brain just stoip , it says that i sound desperate and pathetic... once again, fuk the truth i am desperate and patheic, and now it says in just want pity ARGGGH I HOPE I LIVe tIl 2 mOrO ... or do i oece again attention... a lil music outa shut that brain up

peace

y is noone commenting n e more did i sudden.ly beocmre a bad person 2 comment in, wow i hate my parents, when ur mom says ' noone in the world cares about u and ever will' u no u have problems, rite now im atr the point in m,y life where every single fucking thing in m,y whole fucking life is fucking blown 2 fucking hell, i would run away but i dont even think i would b missed, iuf ui wasnt such a wuss i would kill myself but i no i never would , just fuck everything y the fuk does everyone hate me so much, all i want \is 2 b accepted for whom i fucking am , i hate my fucking brain and the wqy it fucking analyses everything i do or say or happenns or somoen else does or someone else says ... FUCKing everything has 2 b fucking analysedit fucking messes me up, i mean god wat the fuk is my fucking poblem, y is everything in my life so fucked up, and everyone hat i would trust 2 talk 2 i either cant talk 2 or i feel guilty talking 2 them or i dont trust them or they wont talk 2 me , i hate my ,life, i hear ppl tell me that some day im gonna get shot, i hope its soon

if n e1 wentb 2 that link i set up 4 that funny thing b 4 i found i site that shows the actuial clip and it is fucking hilarious




http://rainbow.arch.scriptmania.com/rainbow_tv_episode.html